Cybersex anyone?

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posted by shortz

These are real cybersex sessions that someone saved then posted on a site. They are absolutely hilarious. A.B, Dura, Regino and Ink might have already seen this. But it's good for another laugh.

J-Dogg: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
Partner5: Thats ok. Ok I'm a japanese schoolgirl, what are you.
J-Dogg: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
Partner5: Haha, ok lets go.
Partner5: I put my hand through your hair, and kiss you on the neck.
J-Dogg: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
Partner5: Haha, ok, you know that turns me on.
Partner5: I start unbuttoning your shirt.
J-Dogg: Rhinoceruses don't were shirts.
Partner5: No, your not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
J-Dogg: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They ****ing charge your ass.
Partner5: Stop, c'mon be serious.
J-Dogg: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
J-Dogg: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
Partner5: Thats it.
J-Dogg: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
J-Dogg: Goddam am I hard now.
_____________________________________________

Partner6: So you're really a 18 yr old girl right?
J-Dogg: Yeah, J for Julie.
Partner6: So whats with the "Dogg"
J-Dogg: Uh, It's cause I'm into the latina gangs and shit. You know, rollin with tha homies and shit.
Partner6: Oh, uh ok thats cool. So you ever seen a gun?
J-Dogg: Yeah like I got 6 guns.
Partner6: Thats cool, so you wanna see my gun?
J-Dogg: hehe, of course baby.
Partner6: I pull off my pants and show you my "gun".
J-Dogg: Ohh, it's so big.
Partner6: Yeah, what you want to do?
J-Dogg: Umm, i guess stroke it or something.
Partner6: It likes that.
J-Dogg: aight.
Partner6: Keep talking to me baby...
J-Dogg: I kiss you on the mouth, hard, but then gently.
Partner6: Mmmm, daddy like.
J-Dogg: I unzip my pants...
Partner6: Yes, show me what you got.
J-Dogg: I pull out my schlong, and rub it on your breasts...
Partner6: WTF?!
J-Dogg: Oh shit, I meant, your schlong! your schlong!
Partner6: I've had it with you queers trying to cyber me, I only **** women...
J-Dogg: Shit just don't shoot me man, I wasn't serious about the guns I have, I'm unarmed!
Partner6: You dipshit.
J-Dogg: I whimper to myself...
J-Dogg: please don't shoot me Mr.

_________________________________________

J-Dogg: Ok baby, you promise me you will stick around till I'm done?
(partner4: Ben Affleck, alone on a saturday night because he is a peice of moldy rat shit, is posing as a young girl looking for cyber partners.)
Ben:Yeah Mr. Dogg. Anything for you, you are so handsome and studly.
J-Dogg: Good, now I'm into some wierd shit, so don't be surprised aight?
Ben: ok mr. Doggy I promise.
J-Dogg: Aight then, we settle down on the couch...
Ben: Oh romantic? This isn't wierd, I like it like that baby. What else.
J-Dogg: I put in a movie so that your mom can't hear us. It is called "Good Will Hunting".
Ben: Aaahhhh....
J-Dogg: I like this movie a lot.
Ben: Ok, thats cool.
J-Dogg: You start getting frisky so I put my hand down your undies. They have care bears on them. You are my 15 year old niece and we are in my aunts house.
Ben: ohhhh I like where this is going...
J-Dogg: Suddenly this **** with short dark hair comes on the TV screen. I think his name is Ben something. He is a real piece of moldy rat shit. I can't keep it up because of him. I need some shark fin soup.
Ben: What the ****, you are the piece of shit, what you got against Ben Affleck, I heard he's real good in the sack, and gets ALL the ladies.
J-Dogg: Yeah right, I bet he's at home right now geting it on with some guy.
Ben: **** you I'm out of here. And Ben Affleck is 100% not gay, I can assure you of that.
(Ben logs off and cries himself to sleep)
J-Dogg: Goddammit, not again.
J-Dogg: Still not hard either.
J-Dogg: ****.

_____________________________________

J-Dogg: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
Partner3: Aight.
J-Dogg: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
Partner3: I slip out of my pants, just for you, J-Dogg.
J-Dogg: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
Partner3: Oh, I like to play dress up.
J-Dogg: Me too baby.
Partner3: I kiss you softly on your chest.
J-Dogg: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
Partner3: Hey...
J-Dogg: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
Partner3: Funny I still don't see it.
J-Dogg: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty **** of the Beyondness.
Partner3: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
J-Dogg: Don't **** with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
J-Dogg: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
Partner3: Don't ever message me again you piece of shit.
J-Dogg: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
J-Dogg: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
J-Dogg: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
J-Dogg: Baby?

_______________________________________

Partner3: You ready for some lovin'?
Jay_Z: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
Partner3: I like your music Jay... Tee hee.
Jay_Z: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
Partner3: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
Partner3: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
Jay_Z: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
Partner3: What the ****, I told you not to message me again.
Jay_Z: Oh shit
Partner3: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me ****ing kiddie porn you **** up.
Jay_Z: Oh shit
Jay_Z: damn I gotta write down their names or something...

posted by A.B

LMFAO!!!!!!!! I never read that one before...

J-Dogg: I pull out my schlong, and rub it on your breasts...
Partner6: WTF?!
J-Dogg: Oh shit, I meant, your schlong! your schlong!
Partner6: I've had it with you queers trying to cyber me, I only **** women

that was too ****ing fuuny

posted by TheChosen1

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/random/bonzichat.gif

posted by punk_bbuilder

Lmfao!!!!

posted by A.B

:D @ chosen1... sick as hell but funny too.... :D

posted by regino007

Still funny.

posted by Fitgirl

LOL :laughing:

posted by John H

that was the funniest thing ive seen all week! good stuff.