"That Guy" ... at the gym

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posted by illsniggles

from college humor.com

1) I always forget what I look like.
Yeah, that’s why I’m always looking in every single mirror, like eight ****ing times in between each one of my eighteen sets of bicep curls. What did you think, that I was just some vain ******* who has a Narcissistic complex and simply cannot get enough of looking at myself? Wow, you were way off, I have Self-Image Amnesia, it is a mental condition that inhibits my ability to remember what I look like, it’s even harder to remember what I look like when I flex. Ask your doctor, I swear it’s real.

2) I do abs for, like, an entire ****ing hour.
Yeah, well no ****, abs are the cornerstone to any perfect body, and if there is one thing that I have learned it is that rock-hard abs are rock-hard to obtain. And besides, if I think that I am ever going to get that girl in the green pants that for some reason have “PINK” written in blue letters across her ass to want me, I am going to need my secret weapon: Abdominal Definition. No girl can resist it, even if she likes other girls. If I am not doing abs, you might be able to find me in front of a mirror wiping my face with my shirt, actually just checking out my own abs. Damn you, Self-Image Amnesia!!!

3) I wear nice clothes to the gym.
Hey, just because I am at the gym doesn’t mean that I have to wear old clothes. Sure, this “work-outfit” cost me nearly $100 total, but what do you expect? I got it from Abercrombie and it totally sets me apart from all the slobs wearing their high school basketball shorts and sweatshirts. I mean don’t they know how stupid they look, their shirts aren’t even tucked in. And yes, I am wearing hair gel. Why are you laughing?

4) I make unnecessarily loud grunts whenever I do anything.
Well, it’s not just me who should see how much weight I’m lifting, everyone should be forced to turn and investigate whether an anal rape is taking place or I just beat my own personal bench record when they hear the guttural sounds that come from my mouth. Sure, I act like I’m doing it for myself, and I don’t even realize that anyone else is there…but who am I kidding? I wasn’t hugged enough as a child and now I need attention, watch me!

5) I spend half my time in the gym ****ing with my iPod.
Hey, it’s hard to have that perfect lift if you don’t have the right music. And I have so many badass songs on my iPod to choose from, I mean sometimes I can just put on some Limp Bizkit and listen to it the whole time. But most of the time it’s hard for me to decide whether or not I am in a Godsmack mood or more of a Puddle of Mudd mood. And when all else fails, you can’t go wrong with a little Nickelback, I just wish they got more airplay on the radio.

6) I let everyone else know how I do things.
Hey, I’m not trying to hide the secret to the perfect body all to myself, so I am not too good to give tips to people who aren’t working out the same way that I do, or as I call it: the wrong way. Hey, doing sit-ups in the corner of the REC by yourself? I bet you do want to hear my ab routine! Are you on the bench press? Well then, let me let you in on the secret that gave me the perfect chest. Oh, you don’t want a huge chest because it is pointless in today’s society to be ridiculously strong? Well, uh, **** you, I’m huge! You don’t deserve a body like mine! Are you even listening?!? No, YOU go away. **** it, where’s a mirror?

So there you have it kids, the summer will be coming up before you know it and if you want to be ripped and shirtless this summer you better hit the gym. Now, how about that spot?

posted by canibalistic_js

I'm guilty of number one but I'm not crazy about it. I will pose and stand to see the pump.....And....

But, I did see someone the other days doing overhead presses with 115 and he was screaming using almost the entire capacity of his lungs saying "uuuuuonnnne.....rrrrrruuuuuutwoooooo......" I didn't even try to compose myself and I fell out with a laugh that could be taken as condescending. I wasn't a joke and he was about my size and it was stupid...just retarted

posted by goldentornado22

ive got more than one of those homos that go to the same gym as i do. its funny at first but towards the end of each set it gets worse and worse. if they arent wearing abercrombie then its definately underarmour along with all the wristbands and just about everything else you could imagine. but then again i guess you get used to the whole ritual "that guy" has.

posted by illsniggles

im prob most guilty of iPod, ill shuffle it til i get a song i like...lol

posted by illsniggles

people who wear VOLEUR to the gym should be taken out back and shot in the head.

posted by goldentornado22

agree!

posted by JSP

Guilty--I wear a Puma sweat suit w/ the top unzipped and no undershirt. Also, adidas w/ fat laces!!! I really need to update my look.

posted by Tdroptop

Seriously, regarding number one, thats what the damn mirrors are there for. If they didnt want you to look at your form they wouldnt be there. How many people honestly workout JUST to be stronger? The look of a toned body is a huge part of it! I dont know about you guys, but i look in the mirror all the time.

posted by illsniggles

lol havent seen any bandanas

we must live in very different places, lol

posted by estray

Mirrors=Vanity

posted by canibalistic_js

And the problem with this is....

posted by munequita

I am guilty of the music thing. i need to listen to music when I work out. It just gives you the extra push I guess, it works for me. I do admit I look at the mirror but just to make sure my form is good. And I do wear plain sweat pants with a plain tank top to the gym. I am not wearing no small lil itty bitty tank top with leggings or tights, God I hate that!!! You are at the gym to work out not to look cute... Sheesh!!! Hell for that you go to the darn club... lol!!

posted by estray

Being vain is not exactly something to be proud of.

posted by brandozzz

I Like Flexing In The Steam Rooom Hahahahaa

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